top of page

How to Communicate Without Alienating!

So, let’s face it, effective communication is a language skill that can have a serious impact both positive and negative if not well orchestrated! To some, effective communication may come naturally and even earn them a charismatic role recognition. To others, it is a hard and a problematic reality that can alienate them from other people.

In our social lives, we encounter setbacks and challenges because of ineffective and poor communication, from a personal level to a professional level. At a professional level, for example, business deals break, employees, quit jobs either due to their own or their manager’s lacking effective communication; even the president of the free world, if he cannot communicate effectively to his people, his leadership will suffer setbacks and cause tremendous chaos to say the least! On the other hand, at the personal level, many relationships and marriages break, in most cases due to poor communication, unwillingness to engage one another-friends, family members not talking to one another, and not trusting one another. We must learn and embrace the importance of talking with one another rather than talking at one another! It is important that we develop communication trusts not communication barriers.

So, how Could You Communicate Effectively without Alienating Yourself or Others?

Understanding and Connecting with One another:

One of the important life skills that enable us to better understand and connect with one another is effective communication. Without effective communication, we cannot experience open and honest communication which allows us to build trust, respect, resolve differences; and foster an environment where problem-solving, caring, affection and creative ideas come together and thrive.

“Trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships… Seek first to understand, then to be understood”, said Stephen Covey.

Lack of effective communication can lead to unintended conflicts, crisis, and or consequences in both professional and personal relationships. The remedy to such problems is to be aware of how we relate and interact with one another.

Recognize Communication is a Two-way-Process:

Communication is a two-way-process of giving and receiving information and reaching a mutual understanding. If we don’t communicate with the mutual intention to understand first then agree or agree to disagree, we won’t get far. It will either be my way or the high way, and neither my way nor the high way will benefit any in the final analysis. Most people struggle with lack of openness, understanding, and trust especially after experiencing mistrust! The vulnerability and crisis caused by ineffective communication or lack of communication are enormous and troublesome! When we fail to communicate effectively things go wrong, people suffer, lose hope and the best out of one another. Sometimes, individual face and live in isolation and loneliness lives because of lack of communication skills or ineffective communication. Even at the national level, countries are alienated, sanctions are imposed on them partly because of lack of effective communication or refusal to communicate, as a result people suffer tremendously. There has never been one person who knows each and everything!

“Knowledge is knowing what to say. Wisdom is knowing when to say it”.

Be an Active Listener:

Yes, listening is crucial in communicating effectively! Imagine what happens when we all talk at the same time! We not only missed what is being said but also it is damaging to the relationship! When we don’t listen to one another we seize not to pay attention to what is being said, we missed the important things said! The way we are created is not by accident, but it is intentional, that we have one mouth to talk less and two ears to listen twice as much as we talk. The biggest communication problems we experience is that we do not listen with the intention to understand, rather we listen with the intention to reply!

Plato once said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they must say something”.

As people, we must be concern about forming strong and good relationships, and avoid judging one another, which in fact will make us happier and healthier in many ways; only if we take the time to listen to one another a little longer and eliminate unnecessary grouches!

John Gray, an American relationship counselor and author of the famous book about relationships, Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus talked a lot about building good and strong relationships with each other by learning how to communicate effectively with each other; for example, he asserted that,

“When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement he needs”.

This can be true and applicable in all areas of relationships and interactions whether at home, work, school, or in the community! Learning to listen to one another without bias, judging, belittling, and all the negativities that discourage people is part of effective communication. You cannot bring yourself up by putting others down! When people are valued, respected, and appreciated you earn their trust and their support; they become motivated and interested to engage with one another.

When we stand up for honest conversation, when we listen tentatively, when we give honest responses to one another, it is not only a civil and a respectful way of interacting but also an effective way of communicating with one another that yield positive results-magic things happens, we can agree with one another more, we understand one another better, we build trust and achieve our mutual goal of interacting well and communicating effectively.

Anthony Robbins, an American author and life coach, argued that “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives”.

When we are not in agreement with one another, it affects our socioeconomic, and emotional well-being, hence it affects the quality of our lives! Also, more often we blame others when things go wrong when communication breakdown! We tend to look beyond ourselves for things to happen the way we want instead of looking at our own conducts, and how we influence others to react or not react! Be honest with yourself and to others so that you can create the openness and the trust that is much need amongst ourselves.

Choose Your Words Wisely:

They say, the tongue can speak words that bring peace or chaos, life or death, and let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but rather words that are good for building up as need, so that it may give grace to those who hear them! When words are expressed effectively, it makes language clear and interesting. To have an idea is a simple thing, to have an ability to express and articulate your ideas effectively is a complex task that we must learn to master to deliver messages to others effectively, whether you are a messenger or a manager! Understanding one another and managing one another require sets of skills, and more so if you are a leader.

People communicate differently and with different level of control, conciseness, and in our own unique ways. When you express yourself effectively, it is because you can make your thoughts known well through words choices. I cannot say how many times I have failed to express my thoughts well as I have wanted. And when you fail to express yourself well or effectively it may often result into being misunderstood by others, people may misjudge you, label you or name-calling you, such as-arrogant, bossy, ignorant, racist, boring person to be around with, etc. In contrary, of course, you will be characterized as charismatic, intelligent, smart, charming, interesting person to be around with, etc.

So, words choice matters a lot when interacting and communicating with others in all levels-young and old, leaders and their people, managers, and their workers! The expression that, “think first before you speak, or be sure to taste your words before you spit them out”, speaks volume when it comes to effective communication.

Be a Great Communicator:

A great communicator is a good leader and or a good messenger! Therefore, the art of effective communication requires a high standard of discipline in choosing your words wisely, smartly and controlling your ideas, and how you express your ideas to people you want to inform, persuade, or agree with! Being a good communicator is a must trait to have to be a good leader or a good messenger. It is a foundational management quality and if you lack it, you will always be a trout swimming upstream; because managing others, agreeing with others, and reaching mutual understanding will always be a struggle and unachievable task especially if you are leading people.

Part of being a great communicator is to assume responsibility for your mistakes or weaknesses for there is no one who is immune to mistakes and or without weaknesses! And then, learn that open and honest communication is the foundation for all good relationships and good leadership! A person cannot control the environment but only his or her reaction to it. Be wise, smart, and choose your battle, and fight the good fight; the fight that unites not alienate!

Remember, “Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you”. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatric and psychoanalyst.

Taking different opinions, different views, opposing views without alienating other people’s views is an art of effective communication. As a leader or an individual person, you must allow other people’s perspectives, otherwise, you will stand alone and communication will stop.

So, learning to communicate effectively without alienating yourself or others is crucial in all areas of life. If you avoid open and honest communication, (e.g. keeping your people, your friends, your family in dark, not informing people what make sense, not communicating sensibly; manipulating or causing fear, doubts, and mistrust; wanting people to be loyal to you or to say and do what you want them to say and do; to be unreliable and unpredictable in the way you communicate with others; and /or failure to build good relationship with people you surround yourself with, leads to bad relationships and alienation).

Remember, effective communication is a glue that binds the people together. Effective communication helps you to solidify and increase your connections to others; it helps to improve teamwork, decision making and problem-solving. When you can communicate effectively it enables you to communicate even difficult, opposing, and or negative messages without creating conflict or destroying trust and relationships.

Realizing these truths about effective, open, and honest communication, therefore, will help you avoid and overcome many challenges in life.


bottom of page